Smiling

Last night....

I walked upstairs after I had decided to be done studying for the day and I had the hugest smile on my face because studying was going really well.

My mom said, "Whoa... what's wrong?"

And I said, "What?"

And then she said that she hadn't seen my smile in a long time... just my stressed face. And I was pretty disappointed in myself.

Yes, college is stressful, especially at midterm times... but when did I decide that I wanted to be stressed instead of joyful? 

I hate that I take school so seriously that it changes my mood. I work very hard to get the marks I do, and I'm proud of myself.

I'm thankful that God has blessed me with discipline, a good memory, and initiative... but I don't want my academic life to define me. 

That's the other thing that stresses me out... that I will fail at college... if that happened I'm afraid that I wouldn't know who I was anymore. And I don't like that. 

I want to know that God will love me no matter what, but I'm still learning that...

Anyway... all I can do right now while learning about God and School and Life...

Is keep living in the Joy of the Lord. Because He's always there... and He's so faithful.